I have been wanting to write a new post for quite awhile. Yet, I prolong and procrastinate. Fear has been the main thing that's been keeping me from writing a post and actually publishing it. You know it's a lot harder to actually follow through with words such as vulnerable and real. I suppose for me it's the fear of becoming a disappointment. I never want to be that person who writes something she actually isn't following through with. (Please, call me out if you see me not following through with my words.) It is so easy to write out words on a platform like this which is why one must be cautious to not use destructive words or emotionally opinionated ones but rather through prayer words that God may use to encourage others. (Which is my goal. So, please let me know if my tone is ever harsh in a negative way.) Words are powerful. Our words and actions must align. If not, we are just a bunch of no-good-hypocrites. And with that here I go word vomiting.
A new season has begun. I must have faith to trust God in this new season. He holds my future. He knows me therefore He alone knows what I need at this time.
The summer of sunscreen, bug bites, late nights, early mornings, schedules, ridiculous heat, spontaneous laughter, friendly competition, beautiful moments of worship, challenging messages from speakers, encouraging, listening, and loving campers, countless hours crammed in a car with three others for eight weeks, and well everything in between is now a thing of the past. A summer on the summer ministry team representing the Lord and Ecola Bible School was refreshing. God taught me so much about myself, people, and mostly about His heart as He drew me closer to Him. I will never forget the moments God allowed me to have with my team and with each camper!
I knew the nonstop busyness of the summer would one day come to a close. I did not know how hard the transition would become once I returned home. I stepped off the plane back into Montana -- a place once considered home was suddenly very foreign. The coming weeks would become daunting. Why?
God seemed to strip me from much -- community, a position of leadership, a set schedule, security, and control to name a few things. No longer being spoon fed the living Word of God (which now I must make the effort to continue to pursue my relationship with God). No longer being surrounded by people constantly. At times it has felt like a loss of identity. Needless to say, fear and anxiety would soon consume me. Once again I found myself running from a heart of gratitude into a heart of bitterness where I chose to push people away rather than allowing them to see the radical heart change God had done over the last few years. A rush of fear consumed me as I feared running into the people who hurt me most. Home should be a safe place, right?
Thankfully, a sweet friend reminded me once again that we shouldn't be afraid of running into those people who have hurt us. We must let go and allow certain situations to just roll of our back. I can easily choose to let those hurts define me while living a life of fear. Fear and anxiety is right where Satan wanted to trap me. To make me feel worthless trapped in my insecurities and guilt rather than living in God's grace and love. Satan also wanted me to believe the lie that this time here at home is a waste. Now this is a BIG FAT LIE.
I may not fully understand why I am home. I may have my doubts. I may be restless. Yet, I have this inkling that God may have me home to teach me a BIG lesson. A lesson strange to this world we live in. The lesson....
BE STILL.
Okay so being still doesn't mean to be lazy and mooch off my parents (although I totally feel like that at times). I have much to learn on what God means when He says to be still. I do know that to be still requires patience and obedience.
Oh man have I mentioned how much I LOVE the She Reads Truth devotional app (btw they have He Reads Truth now, too). I am doing a study that they did over the summer on the women of the OT. God continues to use the content in these devotions to remind me of His truth and encourage this restless heart of mine. In this excerpt, they focused in on Noah's wife, "God taught a whole new Eve how to "be still and wait patiently for Him" (Psalm 37:7), and she became God's fresh start for womanhood," (She Reads Truth). They go on to write, "Noah and his wife were in the middle of a storm they did not understand, but they waited for the LORD, trusting Him to be their refuge and strength. God invited them to simply obey, and He was faithful to deliver them," (She Reads Truth).
God was faithful with each word he said. He was calling Noah and his wife to patiently obey and trust Him. Hah can you imagine this situation. To have faith to believe that in 120 years a flood was going to come and wipe out everything. Yet, as the author of Hebrews writes,
Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. For by it the people of old received their commendations. | Hebrews 11:1-2
So, I must continue to have faith even though being still may be a foreign concept to me. I sought out some wisdom from Ed Underwood, a teacher from Ecola and pastor of Church of the Open Door. He told me this in regards to being still, "Sometimes it really will feel like laziness because we feel that if we're not accomplishing something, it must be a waste of time. Time with God, resting in Him is never a waste."
In Philippians 3:12 Paul writes, "Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own," (Holy Bible ESV).
By no means, has my heart for people nor my love for the Lord ceased. I continue to press on. But don't let me fake you, this is not easy. As they say these days... The. Struggle. Is. Real. There are moments when things get messy. I won't lose hope though. I know my Papa has not given up on me!
Rejoice in the Lord; again I will say, Rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. | Philippians 4:4-7
I most likely don't know your story. I don't know what you are going through in life. But I encourage you to seek out God asking Him those hard questions and crying out to Him. If I can be praying for you, please let me know. Also, if you are curious about the concept of being still I encourage you to spend time in the Word of God. I did come across this insightful article from Relevant Magazine, 6 Reasons You Seriously Need to Slow Down.
I have been listening to Lauren Daigle's music recently. Her lyrics are beautiful, raw, and encouraging. Check out her whole album sometime. For now I will leave you with this song, O' Lord.
No comments:
Post a Comment